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Helping Kids “Read the Room”:
The Relationship Between Social Communication and Executive Function

By Linda Gross, updated from older articles with contributions from Ruth Bossler, M.S., CCC-SLP

Some parents may observe their children struggling not only with academic tasks like managing homework and meeting deadlines but also with navigating complex social situations. Research from the fields of speech-language pathology and psychology strongly supports a direct link between weaknesses in Executive Functioning (EF) and Social Communication (SC) Skills. Understanding this connection can help parents and educators provide more targeted support. Executive Function refers to the cognitive processes that enable an individual to engage in purposeful, organized, strategic, self-regulated, and goal-directed behavior. While we often think of EF for schoolwork (like planning a long-term project), these same skills are vital for social interactions.

The Hidden Link Between Executive Function and Social Skills 

Executive function components such as cognitive flexibility, working memory, and emotional regulation help children have successful social interactions. When these skills don’t come easily, kids may miss the subtle cues that take place during conversational exchanges.

• Flexible Thinking (Cognitive Flexibility) allows someone to shift thinking or think about something differently. Inflexible thinkers may get stuck and find it difficult to mentally shift gears, perhaps perseverating on an idea or topic. They are often described as “black and white” thinkers, have poor predicting skills, and may not consider previous experiences. Rigid thinking can make changes in expectations or routines quite challenging.
   
• Working Memory allows children to keep track of what’s being said and respond in ways that make sense. Otherwise, conversations can derail.
• Self-regulation helps kids manage emotions and impulses. If these are not managed, frustration or anxiety may show up as outbursts, withdrawal, or social missteps.

In other words, executive function is the behind-the-scenes manager of successful social communication.

Situational Awareness: Reading the Room

Speech-language pathologists Sarah Ward and Kristen Jacobsen, founders of Cognitive Connections, describe a skill called situational awareness—essentially, the ability to “read the room.” Children with strong situational awareness notice what’s happening around them and adjust their behavior accordingly.

Ward and Jacobsen use the acronym STOP to help kids tune in to the key features of any setting:

• Space – Where am I?
   
• Time – What’s happening right now?
   
• Objects – What’s being used or done?
   
• People – Who’s here, and what are they doing or feeling?

When kids learn to pause and think through these questions, they begin to make sense of social expectations that once felt confusing.

Michelle Garcia Winner, creator of the Social Thinking® framework, adds another helpful idea: social executive functioning. She reminds us that building and maintaining friendships involves the same EF processes as completing a complex school project—planning, sequencing, remembering details, and adjusting to feedback.

Why Some Kids Struggle

Some children with language-based learning disabilities (LBLD), ADHD, or Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) have extra difficulty integrating all this information. They might focus on irrelevant details (for example, what someone is wearing) rather than the “big picture” of a situation. This is sometimes called weak central coherence—a tendency to miss the forest for the trees.

Others struggle with theory of mind, or understanding that others have their own thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Without this awareness, social misunderstandings can multiply quickly.

The good news: these skills can be taught and strengthened with patience, modeling, and practice.

Helping Kids Build Social and Executive Function Skills

Parents can play a powerful role in helping kids connect the dots between their thoughts, actions, and social outcomes. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s growth, empathy, and awareness.

Try This at Home

1. Model flexible thinking—When plans change, talk out loud about how you’re adjusting: “We can’t go to the park because it’s raining, so let’s think of something fun to do inside.”
2. Help your child “read the room.”—Before entering a new situation, ask: “Who’s there? What’s happening? What’s the mood?”
3. Use “if…then…so” thinking—“If I talk while the teacher’s talking, then classmates might get annoyed—so I’ll wait until it’s my turn.”
4. Acknowledge feelings and redirect—“I know it’s frustrating when your brother changes the game rules. What could you do instead of yelling?”
5. Notice social cues together—“Did you see how Mia’s face looked when you grabbed the Sharpie? What do you think that meant?”
6. Identify and discuss the “gray”—Not everything is black and white: “I know that it’s officially springtime according to the calendar, but it is 30 degrees outside, so we need to wear our winter coats.”
7. Ask questions—Help the child/student be aware of what you observed and how you perceived their behavior: “When you used that tone of voice, I thought you were being disrespectful or rude. Is that what you meant?”
8. How this relates to Landmark's Six Teaching Principles™:
   • Provide opportunities for success: Start with small and attainable goals
   • Use multi-sensory approaches: Pair verbal with visual/nonverbal
   • Micro-unit & structure tasks: Break it down with S-T-O-P
   • Ensure automatization through practice and review: Use consistent language 
   • Provide models: Provide scripting
   • Include students in the learning process: Work on the plan WITH students:
     • What cues work best for you?  
     • How will working on these goals help you in this class?
     • What else could you do in this situation?

Small, consistent conversations like these help children build self-awareness and strengthen both executive and social communication skills over time.

The Big Picture

Executive function and social communication are deeply intertwined. When a child learns to pause, plan, and notice others’ perspectives, they’re not just improving behavior—they’re building the foundation for empathy, friendship, and independence.

By focusing on these strategies intentionally and modeling them at home, parents can give children the tools they need to connect more confidently with the world around them.

References & Resources

Sarah Ward & Kristen Jacobsen, Cognitive Connections (efpractice.com)

Michelle Garcia Winner, Social Thinking® (socialthinking.com)

Happe, F., & Frith, U. (2006). The weak coherence account: Detail-focused cognitive style in autism spectrum disorders.

McCloskey, G. (2012). Essentials of Executive Function Assessment.

Author

Linda Gross is a certified speech-language pathologist with over 35 years of experience. She is currently a lead faculty member of the Landmark Outreach Program. In this role, Linda serves as an educational consultant and coach, partnering with schools to support language and literacy programming and instructional practices. Additionally, she develops and instructs workshops, webinars, and graduate courses for Landmark Outreach Online and the Summer Institute. Linda has presented seminars at the IDA, LDA, and ASHA national conferences and authored numerous articles on topics related to language-based learning disabilities. Previous positions include Expressive Language Program Director and speech-language consultant at Landmark High School. Linda also brings extensive experience evaluating and treating individuals with a variety of communication and feeding disorders in both clinical and school settings.